Hello Mean-ions. I’ve outsourced again! I am actually working on a post, but my lovely cousin, The Primadonna, had a quick story she wanted to share. I thought it was quite hilarious and it’s clear, to me, that the talent for falling into ridiculous situations is a family trait!
Anyway, without further adieu, I give you The Primadonna. *Applause*
Primadonna here… The Mean Black Girl has been so gracious enough to pass the pen and allow me to share one of my crazy experiences. Now, before I tell this story, please know that my thug card has never been revoked because it has never existed (Remember San Fran?).
(Sigh) But this time…I did some milk carton type shit in the name of love…I guess.
Allow me to explain.
As the holidays approached my boyfriend and I discussed what we wanted from each other as gifts. One of his items was an iPod Nano. Easy right? So, he showed me a picture of the Nano 6th edition I said cool and proceed to look for it on the computer. I figured I could get one anywhere since I had purchased one a couple of months ago for my grandmother (Yes she is pretty hip!!). First, I went to Apple’s website to see how much they go for. They were listed at $150, which was what I expected. Only one problem, in classic Apple fashion, a new iPod nano was released and it looked nothing like the 6th generation one my boyfriend wanted. Why, specifically, a 6th generation you might ask. Well, my boyfriend, when he’s not doing military duties, is a devout runner. Apparently this particular generation has a system that he could use to track his running. Plus it’s small enough to fit inside of a watch case he wears around his wrist.
Thanksgiving has arrived, and I am wondering how the heck I’m going to find this now “old” iPod model. I am not one to really purchase used merchandise on the internet, so eBay was out for me (Yes, I think everything on eBay is used or a scam…it’s a thing/issue I have with it.). As I am contemplating how to get this device, I get a call from my boyfriend stating that he’s found one. For $60…
Now, when I think of Craigslist I think of one word…Killer. Yes, I can recall every single Lifetime movie surrounding those who go online looking for one thing, and end up with more than the agreement stated. To be fair, I have a real life reason to be skeptical. My boyfriend, who is currently stationed in Louisiana, made a deal on Craigslist a while ago for some sneakers called Foamposites. Long story short, he sent $700 and the seller sent him a dirty pair of Air Walks with the Foamposite design colored on them, complete with a nasty message inside.
I saw the message and the back of the sneakers in the box. In my book, we were screwed over, Anthrax was in the box, and I would be damned if I was going to open it. Luckily, PayPal took care of it and after many months we were able to recover the money in full. So, in conclusion, I HATE CRAIGSLIST!!! My boyfriend knows this. However he explained and assured me that 1) this guy is legit (side eye), 2) the sale is legit (side eye, again), and 3) he is selling a damn near new iPod for only 60 dollars (side eye to the Nth damn degree!!!)! Stop right there, this sounds too good to be true!
We went back and forth discussing this transaction through the Thanksgiving holiday and, eventually, I agreed. I know my boyfriend wouldn’t put me in harm’s way, however he is in Louisiana. What the *&$% will he do if this man tries to skin me?!
So, “deal” day arrives. It is about 5pm and we agreed to meet at the train station. I chose the station because there are frequent security rounds and the station is very busy during this time of day. I am NERVOUS, to say the least. As my boyfriend is calling the guy to make sure everything is final, I call one of my good friends. I explained to her, in my dramatic fashion, that my boyfriend was trying to get me killed. Like a good friend she asks if I like for her or her husband to come with me. I said, “No, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be kidnapped.” I guess I should mention that I am a worry wart. I can usually hide it, but, this time, I was a wreck.
I kept thinking to myself, “How should I hold my hands? Should I wait in my car or out of my car? What do I say? Do I put the money in an envelope? Do I act friendly or mean? Will the police think I am making an illegal transaction? Will they try to look me up? I mean I have been avoiding jury duty,” and, most importantly, “Will this person have an insane fetish for killing black girls that will have me tied up in his basement?”
I had all of these questions for my boyfriend when he called back to tell me the guy was on his way. He responded to all my questions, and obvious fear, with an irritated, “Will you just relax! He sounds like a little corny guy.”
Wait! What?! Sounds like?! What the hell does as killer “sound like?” My stranger danger does not discriminate. If I don’t know you, then you’re a suspect. My time in the city during undergrad taught me well – do NOT trust any damn body.
To calm my nerves, my boyfriend volunteered to stay on the phone with me as I made the transaction. This made me feel somewhat better. If something went down, at least he could hear me scream…right? Finally, the seller calls and my boyfriend made it a conference call. The conversation went like this….
Boyfriend: “Hey man my girlfriend is right in front of the station.”
‘Corny’ Guy: “Okay, I am walking up now.”
My inner voice: “Walking? He doesn’t have a car? You mean he could shank me, take the money, and run away!!?”
‘Corny’ Guy: “What side are you on?”
Me: “I am on the right side.”
‘Corny’ Guy: “Okay cool you should see me come up I have long hair and a black hoodie”
My inner voice: “KILLER!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE’S A KILLER!!!! Grab your umbrella, bitch, you need to defend yourself!”
Me: “Ok…” (gulp).
I spotted the seller from a distance and waved him over. As he got closer I started to see what he really looked like, while questioning/thinking to myself, “If he tries something tricky can I take him down? I mean have been taking Zumba and I’m pretty quick. Hell, if all else fails, I can salsa and kick.”
He gets closer.
Just as I’m getting out of my car, I see a familiar car pull up. Low and behold it is my friend I was on the phone with earlier. I walk past her car and gave her the, “Though I am smiling, if anything sideways goes down – run his ass over” look. I walked over to him to find out…
It’s Justin freaking Bieber.
His “long hair” was one of those swoopy girl bangs that all the young white guys seem to have (How, exactly, do they see!?!). His “black hoodie” is a Hollister/Hot Topic number all the teenagers are wearing. He didn’t look at day over 19.
I was afraid of a fucking TeenNick character!!!
He greeted me, and was very nice. Before I gave him the money he, professionally, showed me the merchandise, accessories, and even let me listen to ensure it worked properly. We exchanged smiles, I gave him the money, and the parted way. I walked over to my friend’s car. As I got in, I burst out laughing at my paranoia, but was very thankful she was there.
The first thing she said was, “I couldn’t have my girl going down like that.” To have a friend like that, is to have a wonderful thing. She told me she on her way home from work and stopped over to make sure I was okay. My boyfriend thanked her for, in his words, having my “scary ass” back. He then told me he would never ask me to do anything like that again. He also added that he doesn’t understand why I was so scared because he knows a good deal when he sees it, and wouldn’t put me in harm’s way. My response, “Thank You, I know, and you better use this damn thing everyday!”
My inner voice: “You know a good deal, huh? Does $700 ring a damn bell! I could’ve gotten Anthrax!! Next time you better take your ass to the trading post. ”
Yeah my inner voice is a bit sarcastic!
Any who, the moral of the story is: Surround yourself with people who have your back! Oh, and STAY THE FUCK off of Craigslist!!