Jeeper Muthaf*ckin Creeper!!!
Ok I have an issue with creepy old dudes coming up to me and trying to holla!!
You are seriously old enough to be my father, maybe even my grandfather, WTF do I want with your old ass!??!
This is not Agism.
This is me stating that I’m sick of being the “mature” one. I’m sick of old men hitting on me left and right! I’m sick of being sought out by the old dudes because you think I’ll be understanding or I won’t mind the GAPING age difference. I mean it’d be one thing if it were John Travolta, or Brad Pitt, or Isaiah Washington, or anyone else! Not some hobit from Middle Earth with all of 7 teeth! <– Pissed and offended!
Here’s my little adventure into Middle Earth:
So I’m minding my own business, right, just chillin waiting for the train on my way home. As always, missed the Broad line train going south and, for some reason, it’s going to take 20 minutes for the next one to come.
So I’m muggin, because I’m cold, I’m tired and I don’t want to go home and do homework.<– Tough shit! So this old guy comes over to where I am sitting on one of the benches and nods his head at me. Normally I wouldn’t have responded. I would have looked at him like he had 8 heads or would have looked strait through him as if he didn’t even exist. But I’m trying to become a better person, I really am, at the urging, (Read: pushing and shoving and yelling) of TB.
So I spoke. A slight head nod and a “How you doin?” is what I mustered.
Apparently in “Old Man World” that translated to, “Owwwwwwwwwww!!! Heeyyyyyyyy Daddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! How you doin!?!” because he came closer to me.
Umm…please get away from me!!!
So he says to me, “What’s your name?”
“Oh because you got your little book bag and you go to school, you think you too good to speak, huh?”
Scowl. Side eye. Ignore.
“I own my own hair salon and braiding shop up in New York.”
Pause: Ok I know I look a little rough…I mean damn it has been snowing everyday since FOREVER…and the precipitation isn’t that kind to my particular grade of hair…but if you are trying to holla, pointing out my ::ahem:: situation IS NOT the way to do it!!
He offers me his card and I just look at him…because he just DISRESPECTED me!!! Then he has the nerve to ask, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Pause again!: I am in no way egging this convo on and you keep on going. Don’t worry about who may or may not be seeing.
For the purposes of this one-sided, never-ending conversation, I responded, “Yea I got a boyfriend.”
And he responded, “Well, what he don’t know won’t hurt him. I bet he don’t even know how to treat you.”<– SAY WORD!!! You have all of 7 teeth!!! Please get out of my face!
By now, I’m done. Sorry TB, but this is an egregious disregard for my privacy and extremely disrespectful of my “boyfriend.” So I had to tell him about himself! “Sir, if you don’t get your old ass self away from me!! I have tried to be respectful, but you are down right offensive! I do not want to talk to you and NO it is not because I think I am too good. I do not want to talk to you because you are old enough to be my damn dad, maybe even my granddad!!! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!”
I don’t like having to get loud with people, but some folks just don’t get it, so you have to give it to them greasy, as my cousin would say.
Now, let me say, I’m not against old people (and “old,” in my world of 23, almost 24, years is 35+). I love old people. I do! I really, really DO-ooo *Kel voice.* However, there is a line that should not be crossed and that man not only crossed it, but he did the “Cupid Shuffle” all up and down the line!!!
I took it upon myself to create a list of things, that if answer “Yes” to any one of these things, you do not need to speak to any young woman my age or younger unless she is related to you!!!
If you only have 7 VISIBLE teeth…Do not holla.
If the first words out of your mouth when you ask me what I am studying is, “Oh, my daughter/granddaughter is studying the same thing/is going to the same school, do you know such-and-such?”…Do not holla.
If you are eligible for or have an AARP membership…Do not holla.
If you STILL have a Farmville account and actually ask your friends to participate…Do not holla.<– LMAO I just made some other people mad.
If you OWN a Cadillac Coup Deville…Do not holla.
If you have a nugget “rang” and/or have a Cadillac emblem charm on a gold chain that damn near chokes you…Do not holla.
If you think you’re doing something because you still drink Hennessy and Hypnotic…Do not holla.
If you think Young Money refers to money that was just recently printed/minted…Do not holla.
If you have to put your pills in a 7-day sorter…Do not holla.
If you carry loose change in a Crown Royal bag…Do not holla.
If you know it’s gonna rain before the weatherman because your knee/back/hip starts hurting…Do not holla.
If you think Nicki Minaj is a tantric sex pose…Do not holla.
Speak your mind…