So I had THE craziest dream ever!
Like ever, ever.
The dream itself is set up as if I was watching myself and I was an active part of the situation. It’s literally like I’m watching myself on camera or there’s a frame and I’m watching myself, but it’s also like I’m standing behind myself so I have the same view point as my dream self, at the same level.
As the dream starts out, I don’t know what’s going on (as myself, The Watcher). All I know is that I’m in a conference room. I’m there with my dad and a bunch of other people. Everything feels legit; nothing feels out of sorts with this because apparently this is our company.
Everyone sits down and apparently we’re about to have this fancy board lunch or something. It’s like this is a board meeting we’re having. In the room, I don’t know, or can’t tell, officially how many people are in the room. It doesn’t feel like we’re at a big table. It seems like there are maybe 10 people, total, there, but I can only see myself, my dad (who’s two seats away from me, on my right) and empty chair between us. Immediately on my left, there’s some woman. On the far left side, basically the head of the table, is are two other women. I’m sure there are other people that fill in past them, but I don’t know what they look like – I can’t see them, so I can’t tell. On the opposite side of the table, immediately across from me, are two people, a man and woman. They’re in business suits, so they could be finance and a lawyer, or something, but I don’t really know who they are.
I’m in a business suit. The other women that are there aren’t in business suits; they’re in what would be considered “business casual” office wear. You know, cardigans, slacks, blouses, etc. Nothing crazy. Just super regular stuff.
As I mentioned, there is an empty seat between my dad and I, at first; and on the table is all of this fancy china. It’s like we’re about to have lunch with the board, and it’s a really fancy lunch – I mean apparently it’s catered. There are waiters.
There are waiters that are going to bring us food. –> This has never happened in my time in corporate America. NEVER.
The china is just stacked in front of us; they haven’t started serving us yet. I don’t remember there being any cups, glasses, or silverware. I just remember there being a bunch of fancy gold rimmed plates stacked in front of each person – a soup bowl, salad plate and entrée plate.
We’re sitting there and everyone is just chatting, but I can’t make out or pick up what the chatter is about at all. I feel like this is the point where I was dropped into the dream.
All of a sudden there’s some woman that wants to sit in the empty seat between me and my dad, and she has a major attitude. She comes over to me and just looks me up and down, and I say, “You can sit there if you want.”
She sits, but continues to give me the starkest attitude, which, for some reason, cues me to start the meeting – before any food is served.
So I stand up and I say, “I know a lot of you don’t know me, or I don’t think any of you know me at all, but don’t worry I’m Mr. So-and-so’s daughter.”
Ok, yes, I can’t make out what our names are. So, it’s me, but it’s not me in the sense that I don’t have the same name. #Random
I continue, “I’m not here to take any of your places. I’m not here to, to – so don’t worry none of your jobs are in jeopardy. I’ve been brought in to make the company stronger – make the company better. Again, I don’t think any of you know anything about me. I think a couple of you may even be shocked that Mr. So-and-so even has children (messy. smh messy!) I’m here just to make this company better and to make it stronger. So before we get into my plans, and my telling you how I’m going to do that…”
I glance down and the woman to the right of me, who at first was giving me serious attitude, now looks very sheepish. She’s holding her napkin in her hands and she’s looking down and looks really sheepish. She looks like two simultaneous thoughts ran through her mind – 1) “Oh crap I can’t believe that I just gave the boss’ daughter attitude,” 2) “Oh shit! What does that mean for me?”
I go back to my speech and say, “You know, before I unravel what my plans are for this place, I kind of want to get a better sense of who each and every one of you is.”
Now, instead of starting with the woman immediately sitting to my left, who would have ended my side of the table, I start will the woman at the top of the table sitting at the corner.
I start with her.
I don’t know what her name is. She just starts out like, “Hi! I’ve been with the company for a while…”
And, while she’s talking, what I notice is this woman has braces.
This is the first thing I notice about her.
She is an adult woman, who has braces.
And she’s also wearing this terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE shade of lipstick.
I mean it’s really, really bad. And because I’m focusing on these things, I’m not paying attention to what she’s saying. I’m just floating in and out of her spcheel.
I snap back as she’s saying, “You know, it’s been great to be with the company. I’ve been here for seven years and there have been some ups and downs…”
I zone out again. She sounds like “whoomp-whoomp-wh-whoomp-whoomp,” because I’m staring at this woman thinking, “You’re an adult and you have braces. And not only do you have braces, you have terrible lipstick on!” –> I don’t know. I JUST DON’T KNOW!
Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it’s as if I have NO impulse control, I point at her and I say…
“How do you give a blow job with braces on!?”
And BOOM! That’s when it hits me, as The Watcher, that we are, essentially, pimps.
Tha-that. That is the “family” business.
The family business is built on the fact that my dad is a pimp, and we’re talking about running “the company” – i.e. running his business – like a company! Like a straight up company!
WE ARE IN AN OFFICE BUILDING!
It shakes me and my realization as a person who is in a dream watching myself do this. It makes me think, “Oh shit! What am I dreaming about!?!?!”
I had to tell myself, in the dream, no more Indian food before bed and, maybe, I should think about seeing my therapist more often.
So I point, and everyone starts laughing, and even I’m laughing (Dream Self).
I look down and apparently the waiters have brought in food. All of a sudden I’m eating this apple, walnut, cranberry salad with balsamic vinaigrette. I’m eating this with the feta cheese and shit. I’m eating this salad, and so is everyone else. Apparently we’re all having a good time.
To be clear, it all seems real regular; like this is regular, everyday boardroom talk. (It probably is).
Again, everyone is laughing, and this woman is laughing and she says, “Oh, that’s a good one!” She continues and says, “You know, to answer your question, it really is all about the lipstick that you wear.”
As The Watcher, I remember looking at her dumbfounded, but not actually saying anything. I just remember thinking to myself, “But that is a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE lipstick!!! It’s horrid!”
She chuckled, and ended her introduction with, “But that’s my story and, umm, I guess I’ll pass it off to Amanda.”
Now I remember the next woman’s name because her name is familiar. I know people named Amanda, but this wasn’t any of them. She’s not any of them.
Regarding her stature, she was kind of small. She couldn’t be any taller than 5′ 2″ and very thin. Very, very thin. She looked slight, like a child. Remember, everyone is wearing business casual attire – blouses, slacks and the like.
Her style – she looked like what pop cultures says is the stereotypical homeschooled kid or that stereotypical pastor’s kid (think 7th Heaven)/I was raised in a midwest church of latter-day saints Utah look. She’s wearing a dress, and I don’t know how I know she’s wearing a dress, I just know she’s wearing a dress and she’s got a cardigan on. And the cardigan is buttoned all the way to the top.
Her voice, to me, is strange. It sounded like someone turned on autotune for her, but just a little. It’s not enough to be jarring; it’s just enough that you know it’s there.
So she’s got this autotune voice and she says, “Hi. I’m Amanda.”
I respond, “Hi, Amanda!” And I’m eating that goddamned salad. And plates and forks are clanging and shit.
Amanda continues, “I’m really new to the company. I’ve only been here a couple months…”
Now, as The Watcher in this dream, it’s bugging me out that they keep referring to being “hoes,” essentially, as “the company.” I’m like WHAT THE FUCK is going on here!?!?
Amanda continues, “I’ve only been with the company a couple months…”
That’s when the woman, Rando #2, who introduced herself first and the woman sitting immediately to my left, Rando #1, began saying:
Rando #2: “Yea, there are some things you should know about Amanda. Like, Amanda recently got married. But she’s supposed to be ‘a good girl’ and all…”
Rando #1: “So Amanda can’t know how to do any of the crazy and wild things that you kind of learn how to tap into on the job. Yea she can’t do anything that she hasn’t already done with her husband.”
Watcher me, “Wait. What?!”
Amanda: “Yea you know I’m a newlywed and when me and my husband got together, he thought I was a virgin. So I can’t do anything too crazy. Just regular missionary sex.”
Rando #1: “Basically just plain, vanilla sex. People that want plain, vanilla sex we send them to Amanda, because, you know, she’s new to the company. It’s a solid revenue stream to depend on. There are going to be at least a few people a day that want this, but it’s not something that going to put her in danger or get her in trouble with her husband, ’cause she’s not experimenting crazy. So, you know, it’s a good way to keep her safe.”
Rando #2: You know, we’ll start giving her advice as to how to start walking her husband into more explorative kinds things in the bedroom so that, Amanda can then begin to implement those into her work skills and abilities, and then we can expand her clientele.
As The Watcher, I figured out we’re not in a board meeting, but rather a strategy meeting with business department and sales leaders. I’m there, and these women sitting next to me are the department/sales leadership with expertise (?) in one particular thing. I guess since Amanda was new, leadership wanted the perspective of the new “employee” just to understand where she’s coming from. To understand what kind of pressures she has in her home life that apparently dictates her work life. –> Totally guessing on what my own dream means.
And to be clear, yes it’s as if these women [these prostitutes? hoes? I’m not sure of the correct PC term] have regular 9-5s. Like I said, we are in a regular, run of the mill office building, in the middle of the day, eating candied walnut salad with cranberries and apples and feta cheese and mixed greens with balsamic vinaigrette.
On the salad.
On these plates.
With gold rims!
So this is happening. This is really happening. It’s just one of those things where, as The Watcher, I’m trying to understand why my salad eating self is there.
Salad eating me begins to speak again, and say, “I’m interested in transforming this company. Sales are not as high as they once were, so we need to start looking at different ways to bring the company forward.”
Apparently my role is to be like a business consultant. I’ve been hired into the family business and I’m supposed to be that new blood that injects new life into the family business, which, by the way, if you missed it at the beginning, my family – or my dad’s business – our business is that he’s a pimp.
To me this was the most bizarre dream. The dream began to crack around the edges when my alarm clock started going off. I just thought I HAD to write about this. It’s so strange, and so terrible, and so funny. The set up is random. I do think that the man and the woman, dressed top to bottom in suits, across the table from me were from finance and legal for the business. It was like it was some sort of legit business, and not like it was in the future. No. Like next week some bullshit like this could happen.
It’s was crazy. Craaaaaazyyyyyy. I can’t believe this was the dream I had. I had to write about this. I feel like it’s so incomplete; I definitely shouldn’t be writing about this because it’s so incomplete, but it’s such a ridiculous dream that I just had to write about it.
Speak your mind…